Who Exists

The second best thing I've ever written. 

Who exists.

Proclamation

"There was a time, before I understood what it meant to be...real, to be authentic, I was controlled. Ok. I was a robot. They took me, they installed some information in my head, and there, I was their money machine. And I didn't know any better when it started out. Because I was five. I was five. I'm eighteen now. I just want a little control back. I want to actually have some sort of control over what happens in my life. I mean, that's pathetic, that I have to go to court and fight for control of my life. What does that mean? What does it mean when you can't control who you are and what you do?"
Andy's lawyer leaned forward and smiled.
"It means, we go to war. We break some knees, we bust some balls, we make some people unhappy. But we will get your rights. We will win the war. And all the battles that make the war up."
He slid some papers to Andy.
"Now, what I want you to do, is go through that. Read up. Understand your enemy."
Andy sighed. He tugged at his shirt collar.
"I don't wanna think of Dan as an enemy. I mean..he brought me up and everything. I'd like to think of this as a disagreement more then anything."
His lawyer laughed.
"No! No, no, no, no, no! That, my friend, is the wrong state of mind. The longer you dwell on your prior relationships, the harder its gonna be to pull away. And you know it. Now, in order to win this, we will have to do things that may not be...pleasing, aesthetically, to people. But lets face it. If we have to choose between getting you a new contract, and pleasing the people, which of these desires are we going to go with?"
Andy nodded.
"So how much time do you think this will take?"
The lawyer shrugged.
"Could take a month or two, could take over a year. Depends on who they get and what kinda defense they put up. We'll have to sit back, survey, get a good understanding of the playing field, and really, just prepare for what promises to be an exciting match up. But mark my words. We will get your contract the way you want it. Or I'm not the best damn lawyer in town."
He leaned back in his chair. A very confident man. Andy nodded again.


"So one day, the little prick calls me up, and he tells me he want to be in a serious film. I laugh, because, I mean, what the fuck does this kid know about serious acting? His career highlight was playing a fucking man child who had imaginary friends! I mean, really. What gets into these kid's heads these days?"
Brian shrugged.
"On one hand, yeah, he doesn't have a huge amount of film experience, but you gotta hand it to the kids, he took a show that would have been a two, maybe four season fad and turned it into a 13 year cashcow. He's always had acting talent, always."
Dan shook his head, took another pull from his cigarette.
"Yeah, let you tell it...I was the key to his success. I kept that show on for all those years! It was me! If it wasn't for me, shit, he'd be some has been child star. He'd be on one of those 'where are they now' shows! I'm tired of schmucks like you spewing that crap!"
"You callin' me a shmuck Dan?"
"Wait, not like that Br-"
Brian shot out of his seat.
"'Cause I'll kick your fat, greasy ass all over this fucking office! Then we'll see who's a fucking shmuck!"
"Alright, alright. I'm sorry. Calm down."
He sat down. Took a deep breath.
"All I'm saying is, Dan, cut your losses while you can. Set up a contract with him, remain his agent. You take this to court, you'll lose everything. Cut the arrogant shit, cut the delusions of grandeur or what ever the fuck you call it, and be reasonable."
Dan shook his head. Undeterred.
"No. I'm not gonna take this slap in the face. I'm gonna make that bitch cry. He'll be sorry."
Brian sighed. He foresaw Dan's future. Alone and miserable.

Andy was in his mother's kitchen, nursing a glass of milk while she hand mixed cake batter. The silence was heavy.
"So...Andy. You don't think this will end badly, do you?"
He was silent.
"I understand if you don't want to discuss this at the moment, but you can't just push it to the back of your mind."
He thought about it. Swirling the milk with his index finger.
"Maybe I shouldn't. Maybe I should just pack up all my things and run away. Or maybe I should take nothing and just leave. Just walk till I can't walk anymore and drop dead."
She nodded.
"Do you think that will solve your problems?"
"I wouldn't have to worry about people trying to manipulate me or control me. I would be free."
"No, you'd be dead."
"Maybe being dead is better then being controlled."
She sighed. She took the batter and poured it into a cake pan.
"The only thing that's holding you back is your attitude. And you know that."
Andy took a sip of milk. The ice had melted, watering the milk down. It didn't taste right.
"I wish I had never gotten into this. Maybe I could have been normal. Or accepted. Maybe I'd be at some...college somewhere, having fun. I don't even understand what it means to be normal. How....pathetic is that?"
"Baby, you know that's all nonsense. What's gotten into to make you think like this? Maybe you need a girl friend or something."
"But I'm not normal. I'm not even human. I'm a commodity. I'm...just profit...I have no real..footing in reality...I can't...I can't even..."
He began to cry. Streaming tears that embodied his distraught inner psyche. His mother rubbed his back.
"One day, you're gonna get rid of all these demons. And you'll see how beautiful of a person you really are. One day baby...one day..."
They cried together.

Andy's heartbeat mirrored the pulse of the beat that emanated from the speakers around him. He was sitting in the VIP section of some club. He wanted to drown out his pain in the sound. He was too cowardly to use alcohol or drugs. He desired a moment, however transient, of peace amongst the calamity.
His friends, or whatever they were called, were around him. They didn't feel him, or perhaps they did and didn't care. He desired a moment of true connection, perhaps something that laid outside of the bounds of his own understanding. He went outside.
Outside was cool, damp, refreshing. Enlightening. A brief whistling of the wind followed by silence. Andy felt....nothing.
"Hey! You're the kid from the Howie & Volley show!"
Andy looked to his left. There was a young girl, smiling. Warmth. She exuded warmth.
"Yeah. That's me. Howie."
"Wow! I love that show! I've watched it my entire life, man!"
"Your...entire life?"
"Yes! I mean, the show just just kept getting better as it went...I mean, it started out as a typical kids show, but as it went on, it just became...so complex. I loved how, in the ending, it was implied that Volley wasn't real, that, somehow, Howie's whole world was just an vivid imagining, and that Howie was just some guy in a mental hospital..I mean, what a mindfuck. All those years and...it was just so good."
"You got that?"
"Yep! It was so subtle though..did I get it right though?"
"Yeah. You did. Not many people do. It felt pointless at the end. It was all just entertainment."
The wind blew past again, stronger now. She was attractive, to him at least. She reminded him of a girl he liked when he was 13. He smiled back.
"I...wish I could be more..significant. I wish I was significant."
She pushed the hair from the front of her face. Her eyes were a bright green.
"Maybe you're not..'significant', to some pretentious prick...but to a lot of people, you are significant. You helped a lot of people grow up. A lot."
They smiled at each other. There was an offer to take up lodging in his apartment. For some strange, inconceivable reason, she made him feel something. And that was more then what anything anyone had to offer to him. Selfish, perhaps.
He had never been with a woman before.

Dan was a large man who worked through brute force and intimidation. He had no scruples.
"I wanna crush him."
He leaned forward, over the desk, till his forehead nearly touched his lawyers.
"How can we crush him?"
"Well, uh, Mr. Johnson, uh, crush is, uh, a...very strong term, is it not? It's uh..it's very sto-"
"I didn't ask how you felt about it. How can I crush him?"
"I...what are you implying by 'crush'?"
"I wanna break his bones, I wanna break his spirit. I want him to be completely fucked when this is over. I want him to be so...depeleted, that he goes insane. Maybe he goes and crawls up into a ball and sucks on his thumb and wishes he never tried to fuck with my share. Little prick." He sat back.
His lawyer nodded. Sweat collected on his brow. His glasses slipped off his noise. He pushed them up.
"Well, sir, it will be very...difficult to enact the decree you have passed down. In all honest, there isn't a....great chance that you will be able to get what you desire."
Dan's gaze was like staring into the mouth of a lion.
"I suggest a compromise. It is at this moment, the best plan of action. We can probably get in most of the demands that you have made, plu-" Dan grabbed the coffee mug that sat infront of him and cracked his lawyer in the head with it.
"You fucking pussy."
Dan left the office, walking with unwarranted swagger and confidence. He retrieved his cell phone from his pocket and dialed a number.
"Hello?"
"Yeah, this is Dan. Where's Brian?"
"Uh, he stepped out for a second. Can I take a message?"
"Yeah. Tell him to stop fucking around and get me a better group of fucking lawyers."
He hung up. Contemplating the end. Would he win? Not conventionally. He had no rights to what he wanted. But that didn't deter him from wanting. How many bones would have to be crushed? It was late afternoon, the sun's embrace giving way to the winter night.